Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Fit for infertility

Oh my atheist void, this is so depressing.
I’ve just had three novels aborted – mind you, this is always an emotional experience for a girl – because they were lousy, and there’s a fourth unborn but dead outline rotting in my Dutch womb. Right now, I really don’t feel like I’ll ever be able to give birth to a healthy baby book.
Melissa Brown’s flight is probably the most viable of the four. But really, I don’t want to be stuck with the aftermath of rape for the rest of the year.

So what’s wrong with the other pieces? In all honesty, I just don’t give a crap about a single one of the main characters.
And the plots… well, they lack every form of excitement. Where’s the ethical conflict, the bribery, adultery, slander and perjury? What happened to true aggression, domestic violence, hate crimes, cruelty to animals and happy slapping? Of course there’s no spirituality and no magic – I can’t do that stuff – but couldn’t I’ve given it some colour with disturbing dreams or a drug-induced experience?
My characters miss out on all romance, hardly have any sex and I don’t even think they ever have a laugh, because they simply are not witty. (What do you think, can a character only be as smart as the author?)

It seems like none of the good things in life get through to my creative womb. I have never been this scared of infertility.


  1. You've got to decide whether you want to be authentic or entertaining. Authentic is hard work - carefully observing real events and real people and using them in novel. Entertaining means thinking up amusing events and dialogue and not giving a damn about reality. I know which I'd choose.

  2. It sounds so simple... but damn, I was hoping authenticity could be entertaining!

    There's nothing I dread more than the 'this-is-what-happened-to-me-and-boy-am-I-pitious' books, so those are off the chart, but I'm not sure if I'm able to write purely entertaining. You know, some people just can't tell a proper joke, and I think I might be one of them.

    I suppose hard work it is... so I'll better get back to it now!

  3. It's not so much telling jokes as remembering the funny things you've seen and heard. And the interesting characters.

    Authentic is like George Orwell writing Burmese Days after working as a colonial office in Burma. Fiction, but based on real life experience.

    Maybe you should consider hanging out with a Metal Band? On second thoughts no, I'd fear for your virtue.