Saturday, 6 December 2008

Top 10 of ways to die from duct tape

There's very few ways to make new life, though it's popularity is massive. Sure, I've been fantasizing, exercising and making lists of different varieties to the theme, but we all know it all comes down to the same. Yes, life is one of the most common things I can think of. Except, of course, that it isn't really a thing. And it isn't an activity, either, cause inactivity is just as much a part of life, as activity. Nor is it a concept, it is actual: I am living. What it is, I truly don't know. But I can't think of that for too long. Either way, life is as ordinary as, let's say, duct tape.

On the other hand, there's a vast amount of ways to die. If you look at it that way, dying is a lot more special than coming into existence. And still, it's the inevitable result. Isn't it amazing, that you can put something as ordinary as duct tape to so many ends?

  1. Cover your eyes with duct tape and go for a stroll at night along the highway.
  2. Eat rotten raw meat and flush it down with vodka, cover your mouth with duct tape so that you can't throw up and go for a run.

  3. Go swimming with your ankles taped together.

  4. Convince some chavs that you're a drug dealer, sell them a duct taped package of duct tape and laugh in their face when they find out there's no dope in there.

  5. Mix shredded duct tape through every meal, believing that the fibres are good for the digestive tract.

  6. Duct tape a nice tight g-string to your body. (I'm not sure whether this will first affect your guts or tear your bladder to bits.)

  7. Put a garden-hose down your throat, duct tape your lips around it, and open the tap.

  8. Put duct tape over the exhaust of your car, close all windows, turn off the air-conditioning and go for a ride.

  9. Sneak into a Forensic Psychiatric Hospital and ask the first person you see that looks normal (not some fetishist that has dressed up like a nurse or such) to give you a special duct tape treatment.

  10. Wrap duct tape around your neck as tight as you can. At first you might think you can still breathe...

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